So here’s an embarrassing thing I’ve never admitted publicly before: I once had a relationship with a dolphin. Now, in full disclosure, it was in a dream, but it’s still troubling none-the-less and certainly not something I’m proud of. What’s more: I definitely had this dream more than once. You’d be surprised that these sorts of beastiality dreams are in fact more common than you’d think. A few years ago I saw the headline: “Man shares sexual relationship with dolphin” and gasped that my secret was out; you can imagine the sigh of relief when I realized that it was in fact a story from someone else, and of course like the rest of you, I immediately went on to pass judgment on him, with his claims that it was a “consensual” affair and that the female dolphin sexually pursued him first (“I mean, I know…can you believe this guy? A dolphin?! Who does that!!”).
Now to add complexity to my already-troubling dream, I’ll share a few more details with you: the dolphin was also male, our feelings for each other were built off of a connection deeper than physical attraction (and to answer the obvious question: no, there was no sex; we respected each other too much), and like true star-crossed lovers trapped in separate worlds, our relationship was confined to the only place it could exist: in the break of the waves. So if you’re doing the math, yes: it was a homosexual, amphibious, cross-species relationship. And as a forward-thinking elitist liberal, that’s exactly the type of new-age relationship I’ve been known to pursue.
But that’s the thing that’s most interesting about dreams, in my opinion. They are always, of course, strange, but it’s the little flairs that our subconscious mind adds which are the most interesting. A friend of mine recently had a sexy-time dream with Frederik, Crown Prince of Denmark. Now, that he was dreaming of Danish royalty, as strange as that sounds, was actually highly predictable for him. But it was this touch that struck me: in the dream, the two were playing tennis, and Crown Prince Frederik’s tennis game was noticeably off, which the Prince later admitted was a result of the sexual tension he felt for my friend.
If you think about it, authors and screenwriters spend months or years perfecting a story to captivate our attention. Yet when we’re fast asleep at night, our brains can create much more lavish stories that are highly specific in terms of the detail we add, and they’re able to do this in real time, as it unfolds. If your brain is a printer, the output it’s able to spew out for a dream is as fast as reality itself. It’s a speed that’s unmatched by our conscious, awake minds.
Anyway, that’s pretty much it. Maybe that’s not as amazing to you as it is to me, but I thought the least I could was salute our brains and our dreams through a poorly-written blog post like this. Moving along…Read More