If you’re a Democrat in California, it’s a relatively boring primary. But if you’re a Republican, it’s slightly more interesting/comical. I’m going to write this post as if I’m speaking to someone who can vote in both the Republican and Democratic primaries; theoretically impossible, unless you steal someone’s ballot. Am I advocating you do this? No, not really. But in just the same way that sexual education doesn’t advocate premarital sex but nonetheless educates you on how to do it responsibly, let me do the same with the California primary:
Republican Gubernatorial Candidate: Steve Poizner
And by Steve Poizner, I mean NOT Meg Whitman. If you haven’t been living under a rock for the past 6 months, you’ve seen Meg’s “Vision for a New California.” Let me refresh your memory by outlining what she wants to do:
Create Jobs.
Cut Government Spending.
Fix Education.
Meg: NO ONE IS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THOSE ISSUES. She would probably have known that if she had been a functioning member of this thing we call a democracy for the past 20 years (she didn’t even register to vote until she was 46). You can’t just wake up one morning and suddenly decide you want to be Governor. Unless, of course, you’re the Terminator.
That’s why I’m endorsing Steve Poizner, who taught in an “inner-city” school for one year (turns out Median home prices in that “impoverished” district are $300K) so that he could call himself a “teacher” when he ran for public office. I did that once with the Journalism club in High School; if it could get me into Georgetown, I don’t see why it can’t make him the next Governor of California.
Republican Senatorial Candidate: Tom Campbell
And by Tom Campbell, I of course mean NOT Carly Fiorina.
Two types of Republican candidates scare me: women and African Americans (well, and Log Cabin Republicans). Not because I think they should stick to their stereotypical party affiliations (I do, but by that same thinking, as a white male I should probably be a Republican), but because they always come across so likable. If there’s one thing that American’s hate to do, it’s research the issues and actually see where the candidates stand; if there’s one thing that we love to do, it’s vote for our candidates based solely on their race/gender/hairline/bust size. We’re really good at making gut decisions and ignoring the “facts” and “candidate voting records.”
Anyway, if Carly Fiorina does in fact make it past the primary, I guess that’s not the end of the world; at least we can look forward to more Sheep ads (fast-forward to 2:30):
Democratic Lieutenant Governor: Gavin Newsom
How could you say no?
No explanation, just a photo. Please see earlier comment about choosing a candidate based purely on hairline:
Proposition 16: NO!
Proposition 16 would require local governments to collect a two-thirds majority vote before setting up a retail power agency. Essentially, this would make it very difficult for local governments to set up alternative energy power plants. PG&E bankrolled this proposition so that they could cut out competition. They contributed $46 million to get it passed; the other side collected less than $100K.
Is that add for real? Did I really just see a man in a sheep costume crawl around the ground eating grass to look up with red LED lights for eyes? None of this made me want to vote for either candidate, but I am really craving a lamb shank right now.
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